I wanted my first post on this blog to be something special — something so profound or so intense that it would really kick off my lackluster blogging efforts. I want this to be a journal of my spiritual growth, my heart. But today, i find myself simply wanting to "empty my jug". Today I find myself discouraged, yet again. It seems to be a common feeling these days.

A few weeks back my boss reprimanded me harshly for a poor call in judgement for the paper. I didn't like it, but I think it was fair to a degree. That said, the Lord has been faithful to encourage me in other ways — hearing about people reading the paper, getting positive feedback about various stories from the community and even today having one of our classified reps email me that she thoroughly enjoyed a story I wrote (which I had hoped someone else enjoyed as much as I did). And a few minutes later, yet another of our staff emailed me because she was excited that we ran a picture of her nephew. The problem was that I had put the wrong name on the photo. I can't even remember when the last time that happened, if ever before over the last 3.5 years. Regardless, I e-mailed Mike with my mistake so that we could run a correction and he used the opportunity to remind me that I have to take names seriously and that it would mean a failing grade if it were a college course. (I had also left out a letter in a name in a different cutline "Sandlad" instead of "Sandland.") That's how i heard her stay it, and i could have asked again, but I thought it was right. What else can you do? I understand the seriousness, but I am human, you know? It's fair, but I struggle between two things: in my business, there really isn't room for mistakes because it takes away credibility and because the mistake is public, and therefore potentially misleading. I recognize the importance of accuracy and it is important to me and I strive to achieve it. In the same breath, however, I am not careful. I rarely re-check things, and that has proven a detriment. I am trying to get better about that, but I am not a perfectionist, and sometimes you have to be. I don't want to do a bad job at my job and I don't want to make excuses for my mistakes, but it's really hard to feel like who I am and how i've always been is always going to cause mistakes. I don't even know if that makes sense, but it does to me. I do have to change to meet those expectations — set more bars for myself — but I have no idea how to change my mindset like that. Mistakes are inevitable, but I still need to make fewer of them...