I'm getting married!

Well folks, I'm thrilled to announce that Andy Eubanks and I are getting married! I can hardly believe it!

He asked me May 29 at about 2 p.m., at my favorite little spot in Bradenton — Jiggs Landing.

The diamond he found is a European cut round diamond from 1910, which I think is really cool.

I'm getting used to it being on my finger, although I haven't completely gotten used to the idea of getting married! However, it is really cool to think about. One thing I've realized is that I absolutely love that this ring signifies I am betrothed. If I pass a man on the street and he sees me, he'll see that I am taken. I am claimed. I belong to someone.

As Christians, we are called the bride of Christ. And as I gazed at my engagement ring the other day, I realized that I am truly the betrothed of Christ. He has put his claim over me, and I belong to Him. I've thought about this before, but it make so much more sense now!

Pam's blog once again

Alright folks, yes, Liz used this site for blogging when she first got to Peru. But, now I'm taking it back! My goal for this blog was to share my inner thoughts and feelings, especially about spiritual matters, as a way to practice being vulnerable. While I don't much like the idea of everyone reading those kinds of things, that was the original intent — to give you a glimpse into my sometimes calloused heart. So, my friends, you have your warning. From this point on, expect to read stuff from ... me.

Liz´s blog update

hi friends!
i´ve moved my blog over to another blogspot... check it out here, and if you want to follow Pam, keep checkin in on this one. My new one is http://twinsinflorida.blogspot.com/
cheers"
Liz

stepping into the unknown

Good morning, Lord,
It's always good to be reminded that nothing we have here is promised. Yesterday, Anthony was laid off from work. I'm thankful to have my job, but it just helps to put things in perspective. My savings, my house, my job, my friends...anything and everything could be taken away in the blink of the eye. Help me to keep my eyes set on things that are eternal and not just to get caught up in the day-to-day of life that I find myself wallowing in so much of the time. I want to be used.
Last night during small group, I feel like you gave me a vision. Well, really it was a glimpse of the future - a feeling. You have a transformation awaiting -- a time of refreshing -- that's coming Lord. I want it so badly! I want to be on fire. I want to be radical for you and I find myself just plugging away without purpose. I'm really excited about the potential ministry at the girls home that COTR is doing, and maybe that's a start. But Father, empty me of me, pour yourself in and overflow. I want to spill your love all over, whereever you lead me to go. Help me to be obedient.
The second "vision" I had I'm less sure was you, but it involved Andy. And we were together and there was a sense that it would be like Christine and Jamie, where we are built up into one temple for you. Both excited and both tranformed. I have a hard time imagining that now, but oooohhh that would be exciting!
I still have so many fears about marriage, but I know that it is both hard and wonderful. Lord, teach my heart to match Yours!
Thank you Jesus! Thank you for giving us a new start each day and for bearing with us in a love we so deep we cannot fathom it. You are good.
I give this year to you, best I can. Help me to remember it each day!

The new year begins...

Well, it's the start of a New Year, and there is much to be thankful for — a roof over my head, a car that runs, a job, a great and loving family, a man who (I think) loves me and treats me with purity and respect and so on.., good friends, food on the table....

I'm thankful that our God is a gracious God, mighty to save, full of forgiveness, righteous, loving, patient and a shelter for  my body, my emotions and my soul.

For whatever reason, these last few weeks in particular have been difficult for me spiritually. I feel like a dried out sponge that cannot soak in anything, but stays hard and crusty. But slowly, I think the Lord is softening me again — at least that's my prayer.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not contributing, but that I don't have the time to invest. I'm tired of not learning the Word so that it dwells in my heart. I'm tired of being apathetic. So that's my prayer as I start the new year — that God would fill me with a fire for His name. And I understand I have to seek him. We find him when we seek him with everything we've got. It's just making myself do that — understanding how to do that that is a challenge for me, most days.

I realized (and have for a while now) that I feel like I've stopped believing God. Sure, I believe he exists and I believe the truths that he's taught me, but I don't know what else I'm believing him for now, you know? To use me? To direct my steps? To direct my heart and mind in love? To provide? Whatever  it is, I don't think I'm truly believing Him for anything, and seems to be the core  the dilemma.

I'm also struggling with feelings about marriage — like loving someone, but not wanting to call it "serious." It is. It should be, and for whatever reason, it unnerves me to admit it. 

But I think I'm starting to understand the complexity of married love more. There are days of joyful elation. There are days of feelings of love, and then there are just days.

Maybe, that's not right, but it's how I feel sometimes.

I wanted my first post on this blog to be something special — something so profound or so intense that it would really kick off my lackluster blogging efforts. I want this to be a journal of my spiritual growth, my heart. But today, i find myself simply wanting to "empty my jug". Today I find myself discouraged, yet again. It seems to be a common feeling these days.

A few weeks back my boss reprimanded me harshly for a poor call in judgement for the paper. I didn't like it, but I think it was fair to a degree. That said, the Lord has been faithful to encourage me in other ways — hearing about people reading the paper, getting positive feedback about various stories from the community and even today having one of our classified reps email me that she thoroughly enjoyed a story I wrote (which I had hoped someone else enjoyed as much as I did). And a few minutes later, yet another of our staff emailed me because she was excited that we ran a picture of her nephew. The problem was that I had put the wrong name on the photo. I can't even remember when the last time that happened, if ever before over the last 3.5 years. Regardless, I e-mailed Mike with my mistake so that we could run a correction and he used the opportunity to remind me that I have to take names seriously and that it would mean a failing grade if it were a college course. (I had also left out a letter in a name in a different cutline "Sandlad" instead of "Sandland.") That's how i heard her stay it, and i could have asked again, but I thought it was right. What else can you do? I understand the seriousness, but I am human, you know? It's fair, but I struggle between two things: in my business, there really isn't room for mistakes because it takes away credibility and because the mistake is public, and therefore potentially misleading. I recognize the importance of accuracy and it is important to me and I strive to achieve it. In the same breath, however, I am not careful. I rarely re-check things, and that has proven a detriment. I am trying to get better about that, but I am not a perfectionist, and sometimes you have to be. I don't want to do a bad job at my job and I don't want to make excuses for my mistakes, but it's really hard to feel like who I am and how i've always been is always going to cause mistakes. I don't even know if that makes sense, but it does to me. I do have to change to meet those expectations — set more bars for myself — but I have no idea how to change my mindset like that. Mistakes are inevitable, but I still need to make fewer of them...